A Man Said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation" -Stephan Crane

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Customer Satisfaction

Name: Emma
Mobile phone number: 1809324798134
May we contact you? Please do!!

Comments: Tim is really hot! Call me!!

It didn't work...It's just stuck up in the back room for everyone to laugh at.

Poor Emma.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Last night I had a dinner party in a sort of last minute hey, why don't you all come over for dinner?

I've always thought that it's an eat-at-your-own-risk affair when I cook since I use recipes only rarely and when cooking for myself I don't actually "cook" so much as eat vegetables straight out of the fridge. So I was a little surprised when everyone was enthused to come over, they all think I'm a good cook. I think that speaks more for too many delivery pizzas and moldy vegemite and toast dinners than for any actual cooking ability.

Anyway, I am in a much better mood now, even if I still haven't caught up on my sleep. And for all of you I have a joke that I thought was pretty good:

Two fish are swimming in a river and hit a concrete wall. One fish turns to the other and says "dam"

Also, it kills me to ask 'cause I'd like to think I'm super intelligent, genius even, but does anyone know the answer to that horrible rotten brain teaser where there are two people, and you know one of them always lies and the other always tells the truth. You're allowed to ask one question and you have to be able to tell which is the liar?

Saturday, April 16, 2005

A whinge

"Have you checked The. Roster.?"


"You should."

Hmmm....let's see....




Darn it.

Why is it that I give the impression I can go without sleep? Because I can't. Nope. Not happy when I don't get my eight hours. Especially when I don't get my eight hours three days in a row.

I'm supposed to go out to a 21st after closing tonight too. That ought to be fun.

Friday, April 15, 2005


Or catalogues.

We've been getting loads of them lately, and I find myself increasingly tempted to buy something out of one. I look at all these diamond rings (Just $295!!) and new dining tables (A steal at $395!!) and ask myself why I haven't taken advantage of these special limited time only offers?

I'm thinking it's possibly because I'm poor.

Don't you hate it when the world conspires to remind you how poor you are? The other day I was buying coffee for myself and a few other people, and a little kid there asked if he could have a candy bar. He blew my carefully calculated penny-pinching budget.

Maybe it's a misguided opinion, but I think that's pretty much all kids do. That and scream on long-distance flights.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Judged a book by its cover.

"Hey qt. cant wt till i c u again. ur hot an' I wanna c more"

Well, she seemed classy.


There is of course a possibility that she was drunk. But then again, qt?

c more?

I shouldn't be so quick to make fun. I've been guilty of the odd horribly embarassing text message in my time. I sent a two text message to a girl once apologizing for not calling her when I said I would, explaining that things were awkward with the timing and asking what she was doing that night. I think I sent this message at around 3am. Now who's classy?

Or the time when I sent an abusive message asking where on earth my (then) girlfriend was when she'd promised to meet me at a club. She was one table over and I was just too drunk to see her.

It's actually very disappointing that I get this tacky message now since my roommate is now embarking on a pseudo relationship. They aren't in one (cough cough) but they go on dates, call each other at night, text each other, and sleep over on cold nights. How much closer can you get?

I'm not green with envy or anything like that, I'm happy being single and going on the occasional date. I do kinda miss snuggle time though.


Saturday, April 09, 2005

The dang fish died

And, yeah, it was MY fish. My flatmate's is still very healthy. Perhaps too healthy...

My parents are visiting at the moment and that's kinda cool, spending time with them and all that. We're going to the coast tomorrow, as soon as I finish work, so I'm not going to be around for a week.

Before you get all envious of me, lying on a warm and sunny beach, I should say that my parents are health freaks and have told me to bring my hiking shoes and tennis racket (Do I own either of these items? No.)

These are the sacrifices I make for family time.

Sort of along the same lines, I'm going to a family reunion this month. It should be fun. Here is a conversation as I remember it between my then 15 year old cousin and myself, last time I saw her:

Her: I was pretty young when I lost my virginity

Me: Oh?

Her: I was 13.

Me: [audible sound of jaw cracking from opening so fast]

Her: Don't worry, I realised I was too young and I waited a long time before we did it again.

Me: Oh, that's good. How long?

Her: Two weeks.

That is not an exaggeration people. I sometimes wonder how much of an influence genes really have since I don't seem to have an awful lot in common with these people. Still, I can sit through a few hours of torture on the off chance that if I become a standup I'll never be short on material.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Got me a flatmate, mate.

I live with a straight chick.

Well, she was straight before this year. Now everyone thinks we're a couple. Some people just go with the rumor but others try to check.

"So...how many bedrooms does your place have?"

She's got a sense of humor (thank God) and always answers, "Two, or, one study and a bedroom."


So far it's been awesome. We don't compete when we go out which is sort of novel for both of us. We bought fish and a couch. I never have to cook anymore because she's well into it. Actually, so far my responsibilities seem to basically include killing all spiders, keeping the potted plants alive, and having the bedroom closest to the front door so I can "get the baddies."

Only minor downside is she's a bit uneasy with the lesbian crowd that invades on occasion, which I suppose is fair. We talk like other girls about dates and bad sex experiences...and unless you're used to discussions on hair in throat it's a bit much. For my part, even if I don't compete with her, a lot of her friends are alpha-male type guys and I don't generally get along with them at first.

Still, she's coming around even if she still thinks sex with a girl would be "icky" and I've managed to stop acting like a territorial fool when her friends show up.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Bum nuts

Sorry...kinda gross.

That's what my father calls eggs.

I got some in the mail today. Chocolate ones. (Better late than never) From the girl I was dating at the end of the year.

I am one happy, sugar high, sorta flattered girl.

I'm going to visit her in a few weeks. Suddenly coffee selling and sucking up to the boss doesn't seem so bad when I have something to save for.

Sunday, April 03, 2005


So I now officially have a job. It was slow in coming this year. Had a few false starts.

One of those was for a cafe that shall remain nameless. They hired me as a waitress and then yelled at me for everything, even for the fact there were no customers. The owner told me to get out the front and try and tempt people to sit down. How does one do this you ask? Apparently by being an "attractive young lady."


So I handed out another 20 or so resumes and got a bunch of calls, but they all wanted full time workers. Finally I got a call from a large international coffee chain that makes lots of coffee type drinks and is the butt of many jokes in popular media. I'm currently learning how to make coffee and wasn't it a shock to learn it's not as simple as grind beans, put in machine, add water.

Coming home from work last night I got another job offer. The taxi driver asked if I wanted to work the bar at a nightclub he was opening. I let him know that I know virtually nothing about alcohol (apart from how to ingest quantities that perhaps could be considered as "too much"). He asked what I did then. I told him that I make coffee. He offered me a job making coffee in his nightclub/resturant.

Damned if I can figure out whether he was conning me or not. I don't often associate taxi drivers and resturant/nightclub owners.