A Man Said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation" -Stephan Crane

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Where I've been

Off investigating my head a little. Spring cleaning, redecorating and just generally questioning myself. It's obligatory during university and since I was running out of time I thought I'd better get it out of the way.

I think I'm a little more sane now. Taken up pilates and (ugh) jogging. Drinking green tea. Reading more literature and starting assignments before they're due. Telling people when I think they're being stupid and trying to avoid being stupid myself, particularly in the area of interpersonal skills.

The night I decided to give it up and go for a holiday was the night I went to a party that an ex invited me to. I hadn't seen the ex in ages, bumped into her randomly and scored and invite. I ended up spending most of my time talking to another girl. About halfway through the night my ex asked me to come to the kitchen with her, for words. She tried to kiss me and I told her I thought that we had tried being together and it had failed and I for one was not interested in doing it again. She slapped me (had no idea it hurt that much) and I went to sit outside by myself. Girl I'd been talking to came out also and asked me whether there was something between us (the crazy ex and me) and I said no. She said good, she wanted me to come to a club with her. I said sure. We went to the club and had lots of fun and I ended up having a great night.

The next morning the crazy ex called me and apologized for being drunk and excitable and asked if we could talk. I said I thought not. She said that she felt there was unresolved stuff between us and wanted to talk like a sane individual and I couldn't hold her drunk behavior against her and blah blah blah until I caved. We met at a diner for brunch. She asked lots of questions about what I'd been doing. I asked her what she'd been doing. She told me who she'd been doing. I told her about people I'd dated. She lost the plot because she thought she was the only girl.

Now, I'm no nymphomaniac but I'm not an ice cube either, and we "dated" a long time ago so I'm not sure what she was thinking (definately was not that mindblowing that I couldn't move on). She eventually pulled it together and was pacified with the idea that she was the first.

She did do a lot of crazy mean talking though, about how I end up falling for straight girls (who are experimenting) and subverting my own sexuality, and how I still dress and act like I'm straight. (How does one act straight?) and blah blah more crazy talk.

This did make me aware that probably a lot of my issues with people last year were because I don't come across as a lesbian straight off. So basically, I'm either going to shave my head or become more comfortable with not fitting into a catagory visually.