A Man Said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation" -Stephan Crane

Friday, December 03, 2004

Has-bians

I might have done a bad thing in the sense of not being an accepting or understanding friend.

At a bar I met up with a few friends from high school, and one of them is also a lesbian. Or was? Or is, but is experimenting with men? Or never was? She was one of the first girls I had a crush on that reciprocated. We've been through a lot, sharing experiences and thoughts and lots of other cliches too. I sort of identify my coming to terms with being gay with her and so now that she is dating men (in general, none specifically) I found myself acting like a bitch. (This of course may be related to my recent struggles with people accepting that I don't fancy men, and the fact that no one questions her.) She sort of surprised me, we were sitting at a table in the middle of things and she turned to me and said, isn't he kinda cute?

"mm?" (thinking I misheard a "she")

"That one, in the blue."

I didn't so much answer as turn to stare at her, then start laughing because surely this was a joke.

"I'm serious."

"Oh."

"I find some men attractive."

"Oh."

"You're being very quiet about this."

"Well. I'm a little surprised. How many men?"

"Only the cute ones...that was a joke."

"Oh."

"Quit looking at me like that."

"Didn't realize I was 'looking' any particular way."

"You know you are. Why are you acting like I've done something to hurt you personally?"

"I'm not. I'm just a little surprised."

Silence.

"OK, I'm a little hurt."

"Why? This shouldn't be something that affects you."

"Well it does. I don't know what to think now. So far as I knew you were a dyke and now you're telling me that you aren't? Or maybe you are, but you're bi? What exactly do you mean?"

"I don't know. I just find myself attracted to men sometimes."

"Just men? What's going on there? I thought you'd rather go without sex then have a dirty penis near you? Or were you just getting a little sick of going without sex?"

"That was unkind."

yeesh. Something must be up with my planets or stars or perhaps just general sanity since I seem to be doing a fantastic job of screwing up friendships and relationships lately.