A Man Said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation" -Stephan Crane

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

No, really, I'm not procrastinating.

Should I be worried that the daily quote on the chem faculty site was "In the long run we are all dead." (John Maynard Keynes)?

Know when sometimes you have a conversation with someone and you are clicking so well you know exactly what they're thinking and where they're coming from?

Such a weird feeling, but it really woke my brain up. Why are there not more of these people around?

Monday, August 30, 2004

Just say "no"

Not too long ago I was asked to stage manage for a production that's being put on at one of the theaters on campus (I was asked because I have four years experience at being on stage crew, and six times the stage manager). I said no, sorry, I have a chemistry midsemester and can't afford the time comittment.

"Okay then, thanks anyway" they said.

But then I found out they'd made a guy, who had zero experience stage managing before (and in fact, his stage crew experience was limited to one production), stage manager, and he was very panicky. And then another friend asked me why I wouldn't be the stage manager, since I have experience at it. I explained about the midsemester, but she said that he was "fucking everything up."

Oh.

I said I'd be on the crew to help, and maybe things would go more smoothly with another person, which they did. So everything worked out peachy fine in the end.

EXCEPT THE MINOR PROBLEM THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STUDY

Monday, August 23, 2004

Good day for a good mood.

Last night I had an arguement with the Last Man I ever had intimate relations with. He calls me from time to time, because he likes to talk with me. He says they are pretty deep and intelligent conversations. I go along with it because I think he's pretty damn funny and interesting. Anyway. We were talking about judging people, something I never do and he does. It went from an intelligent conversation to a pseudo-debate to an argument.


So that sucked a lot. I don't like arguing. I'm an academic. Debating is more my thing. I talk. You talk. I rebut. You rebut. That put me off last night.


Woke up this morning happy though because for the first night in a long time there was no 4:00a.m. fire alarm.


Went to my first lecture. I had been warned about this lecturer. I was told that time well and truly slowed down. I was a doubter, but not any more. He really is so boring that he could be dead. Only it might be interesting to have a dead person talking, and he's not that interesting, so maybe not.


But then walking to my next class I took the scenic route and it was all sunny and warm and a light breeze and the blossom trees are out and there were parrots flying around and it was nice.


And then we talked about the Halocaust.


But then I went back to my room to make myself lunch and I had a stir fry just 'cause I felt like it (ordinarily I eat raw vegetables because I hate, hate, washing dishes).


And burnt myself on the stove. And now I am preparing for a lab class this afternoon, and I'm not too fond of labs, but what the hell, I'm still in a pretty good mood.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Must remember to diversify

...he must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living too long with a single dream. He must have looked up at an unfamiliar sky through frightening leaves and shivered as he found what a grotesque thing a rose is and how raw the sunlight was upon the scarcely created grass. A new world, material without being real, where poor ghosts, breathing dreams like air, drifted fortuitously about...
F. Scott Fitzgerald (the Great Gatsby)

This whole Sarah thing isn't the first time I've been disappointed with the way things worked out with a girl. And I asked around a little. I don't think I'm alone on that. Picture the difficulties of dating as an adolescent when you're straight, now times by n, and you've got the problems that a young gay faces. Does it get better with age? Not in the early twenties...

You get used to the let downs, the insults, the are-you-straightness? There comes a point where you aren't willing to give your all for a person anymore. No doubt everyone reaches this, you get hurt enough times, it's inevitable. I guess maybe one day I'll find someone who brings back that first love feel, but until then I don't make love the center focus of my life. That way a disappointment isn't the end of the world.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Don't cry for me Argentina

I have reached the point of general annoyance. Sarah and I went out to dinner, and it was good. At least, it was good when she was actually in my vicinity instead of about two meters ahead of me, or behind me...or hanging around with her house mates so that we couldn't talk.

So despite her being absolutely beautiful and fun to pick up I had to give that sort of general, no, I don't think things are going to work between us...why not? Well, because you're obviously not comfortable with it speech.

Yes, I have given this speech before. I really hate being the experiment sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, there are pros to it to, in that there are a lot of very attractive girls out there who are "bi-curious" whatever the hell that means. And being the person they test out these feelings on is pretty enjoyable at the time. The massive downside comes about two days later when they get weird...realize that, actually, they aren't bi or curious anymore and try to avoid me at all costs.

Now, if I thought I was being a sleaze I would understand this, but the fact is, it's not me that does the picking up. Also, maybe I could understand this if I was trying to get into a relationship, but I'm not doing that either.

I guess you should learn something every day, and what I've learnt today is that women really are bloody annoying when it comes to actually telling you what they think instead of avoiding the topic.

P.S. Sarah's reaction?

"No, it's really not the girl thing, I just don't want a relationship right now. But maybe next time we get drunk..." giggling nervously

Mm. Thanks but no thanks.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Things to do before I die...

(Written at age 17)

...learn to speak Spanish
learn to speak French
make a souffle
write a book
buy a house
live in a city
go out with a girl---> (evidently there was some self knowledge at 17...)
make a cake from scratch
decorate a house/apartment however I want
go to Prague
live in a foreign country for a year
do something really nice for someone who will never know
do a guest lecture
plant a tree
invent a recipe
find someone who compliments me perfectly


progress:

Three years of Spanish lessons...yield: Donde el bano? (where is the bathroom) and No tengo dinero! (I don't have any money)

Maybe didn't write a book, but managed to sell a notebook full of economic notes and a notebook of biology notes. Surely that counts for something.

Dated a girl

Made a cake from scratch.

Invented a whole bunch of recipes, but the majority were drunken events and so, unfortunately (or fortunately), no recollection.

Lost the last vestiges of romanticism and will now settle for "suits me ok"

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Friday the 13th: not so scary after all

The other day I happened to be out with some of my friends and Sarah. Who I guess is technically a friend, but fits into that sort of hazy "we hooked up and don't know what that means so we're trying to just go back to being friends" category.

Or did. (Da da da daaa...)

Despite heroic effort on my part I was sort of flirting. She kind of played along. Mm.

When she said she had to leave because she had to work the next morning, I offered to walk her to the taxi stand. We got around the corner and she kissed me. Not that I didn't return it after about 5 milliseconds of absolute shock.

Supposedly we are going to dinner on Monday. I have my doubts. She gets nervous about the whole lesbian thing. Doesn't she know it's very chic right now?

Ho hum. At least the kiss was fun.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Not over till the fat lady sings

"There is no such thing as a weird human being. It's just that some people require more understanding than others." -Tom Robbins (Another Roadside Attraction)

Last night I got a text message, it said "I'm watching a really crazy ballet. There is a guy in a wheelchair rolling around and killing people."

I was so excited. I spent a long time wondering whether to return the text...Should I? What is that supposed to mean? It can't hurt right? So I did. I returned the text.

And got a phone call.

(!)

"Do you want to go to a movie tomorrow?"

much stuttering and such from me.

"I saw an ad for it and thought you'd like to go see it. So would you?"

"Yeah, sure, I'd love to."

"Great, how about the 4:40 show?"

I will give you three options as to who this caller was:

1) The Easter bunny
2) The chem lab nerds
3) Sarah (Pomegrante love), who I admit still makes my heart beat maybe two thousand times faster than appropriate for a friendly call. Damnit damnit damnit.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Stand-up (Sit-down!)

I would love to be a standup comedian. That would be my ideal job. Only two things stand in my way:

1) Shaking on stage. It's not so much a fear of public speaking, I just get shaky and twitchy. Not a real good look.

2) No comedic timing.


So, I just have to satisfy myself with the two best jokes on earth. They are:

Two muffins are sitting in an oven, the first muffin says to the second, "Gee, it's hot in here isn't it?"

The second muffin says, "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

OK, second joke

A chicken and an egg are sitting in a bed, sheets all over the place, smoking cigarettes. The chicken looks really pissed off and huffy, turns to the egg and says, "Well at least we answered that question!"

Unfortunately, despite being one of the best jokes of all time, this usually needs an explanation, so just think of the question, "What came first: the chicken or the egg?" and then read the joke again. Funny.

How I lost my inheritance

When I was home and visiting my parents during my last break I had, for me, the most warped sleep hours. A diet of coffee, coke and anything that didn't require cooking (ie snack machine fare) meant that all I could do for a few days was sleep. And when that sort of settled a bit I was waking up at 6:30.

I am definitely not a morning person, and despite waking up without an alarm clock at 6:30 I was still not fully functional until maybe 12.

One morning I got up, made it to the coffee machine downstairs and got a cup, turned around to go sit at the counter and stepped in cat sick.

...

Since it was so early this didn't really register the way it ordinarily would (ie where's the damn cat, I'm going to skin it!) so I just stuck my foot out the door and hosed it off, picked up my coffee and sat down on the other side of the counter, facing the kitchen. At about 7:00 mum came in, and I was still drinking my coffee (I like it cold, is that weird?). She pottered around the kitchen a bit, getting her breakfast together. Some coffee. Came to sit down at the counter and stepped in the cat spew.

"Ohhh. That's what I meant to tell you!"

"Well, why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged with one of those sheepish don't hate me grins.

"Why didn't you at least put a paper towel over it if you weren't going to clean it up?!?"

"That's a good idea."

"Stop smiling it isn't funny."

Kinda is though, isn't it?

Friday, August 06, 2004

Who says labs are boring?

I have been called a science nerd before, but only by friends and family in what I hope was a joking tone.

A real science nerd is like the guy who's lab bench is across from mine in chem.

"What colour would you say this is?" Holding up his titrated wine sample

"Uh...kind of a peach yellow?" He was doing white wine, I was doing red. Mine was an evil tar colour.

"Really?"

"Uh...yeah." Really hoping this isn't some kind of weird pick-up scenario he's cooked up.

"I was thinking 'Dehydrated urine.'"

I stared. Blatantly.

"nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh snort."

Oh yes, he snorted. And that my friends is a Science Nerd.